apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
