the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
