just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You ruined the universe
I need to align my fucking chakras
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
