I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
