Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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