I think I won the penis lottery.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
