hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Did I show you my penis last night?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My breath smells like gin and sadness
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
