You really coming over, don't trick.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
