yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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