I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
