Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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