New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
