I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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