it hurts more in the daytime
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
