ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
