So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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