I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
