If i come over, it means nothing
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
