He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
