My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
