tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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