I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
