5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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