forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
