Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
