the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
