Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
