i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
