I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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