Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
