Soap is not a condiment
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
