well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
