the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
