this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
