Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
