It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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