u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
