Kareoke will never be a sober sport
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
