So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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