Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
