she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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