As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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