you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
