so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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