My hair reeks of homosexuality.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
