Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just pee around me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
