I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
