i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
