Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The air was thick with penises
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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