Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
